I am no longer bitter..

Yup..that was what I wrote. Hi, how are you. I just want to tell you that I am no longer bitter, just sad..

Now come to think of it, I sound so..like well such a loser..sheeeshh. I do so regret it. But then its way too late now.

I am currently in transition, having to handle all these changes in my life and having a ghost from the past hovering at the back of my mind constantly despite all my efforts to forget has not been easy. But as a matter of fact, I am no longer bitter. Do I miss him, of course I still do. Do I wish him dead..er nope..well I still want to break his leg but naaah.. I know myself, I'd never hurt him even if I had the chance to do so. I am this way..I wanna be a bitch badly, but I guess its just not in my nature...yet still that does not make me an angel.

Relationship..I'm so scared now. An old friend I met want to know more and offered his shoulder to cry on. But although on friendly terms, intimacy scares me now. The mere touch brings lots a memories I would rather forget. A mixture of pleasure and pain. Yep, it is confusing indeed..to quote Alicia Keys, how could someone who gave you so much pleasure cause you so much pain..

Some days, when I get so busy..I hardly think about it..some days..like today, he is all around me. Memories so fresh..I feel as if I can still smell him.

One thing too, after all these time..its still hurts. I still get lump in my throat on lonely days. Rainy days it get worse. Although I promised not to write about it, this is the only way, the best way actually for me to ease the pain..the longing and the loss that I feel. Today is one of the worse actually. Maybe it will get better from here..yup it surely will. I have to make it better