Yup I finally did it. Changed my career. It is a big step towards a new me!!! Which sorts of explains why I havent had the time to write and update as often.I teach nowadays. Its been hectic but surprisingly a lotta fun. At the side I'm still doing designing. Although market is slow but demand for me to supply has been intense. Dunno if it makes sense or not but it does!!
One thing lacking is that me and pardner again..is going separate ways. Since my job is here, he is there. Once again he is back to being himself. Totally into his work that at times I think he sorts of forgotten that I actually exist. But then since my brother's wedding is coming up this June, I've been pretty busy myself. I did everything myself. All the nitty gritty stuff, all the hantaran and those souveniers and gifts. I did everything with mum. I want to stop thinking and dwelling on certain matters though sometime it gets awfully lonely. writing is therapy. It really helps. It helps me to let go. Damn.
Of course I have not let it go!! Of course I still think about it!! The other day there was a travel show. The host was this young upcoming actor accompanied by a young petite co host. They were SO SWEET!!! I wonder if he is sweet to her... I wonder if in Dublin he walks with her hand in hand.
I do not think I will ever make another trip to London much less to Ireland. Everywhere I go and everything I see, I'll keep on wondering. Were they ever here? Did he kiss her here? Proposed to her? Laugh together?
This is absolutely crazy!! I am going nuts! If I am not busy it is the only thing I'll ever think of.
I missed his birthday. Maybe it was a sign. The alarm didnt go off. I had no idea how or why it happened, it never happened before. I missed his birthday. It should not have mattered anymore. He should not matter to me. He can die of a bomb blast in Dublin and I should not care!!!
Sometimes it is okay. Sometimes I could not care less. Sometimes, I get too preoccupied to let it bother me. But certain times it really really hurts. Though nowadays, I think I am calmer. I have chilled out. I have come to terms that it still hurts and maybe it will forever hurts everytime I think about it. But there is nothing I can do about it. "Cuz I cant make you love me if you dont. And you cant make your heart feels something it wont"
I am fine now...at this moment in time I am doing just fine.
