I am writing this in anger. Its 2.35 am and I might be single again sometime in the near future. Well, why should I be surprised if this union dissolved. AFterall..it was cracking all over the place anyway. I just have to figure out my journey alone from here. One slap to my so called perfect family. Here you celebrate and welcome a new addition to the family and here you say gbye to the old.
I had a feeling sooner or later it might come. I just have no idea how to accept it or how to actually face it. I am bitter with this experience and I hate myself for letting it rot. But then, everyone close to me can see and realised that I have done my best. now I badly need a best friend to call and talk to. But then of coz in my present state that it is certainly not possible. Even if it is World Cup season and phone calls are cheaper at this hour.
Is it just me or the world is just so cruel to me. I have tried my my best to put a brave face and endure everything that have come my way. No matter how hard and ugly it gets, I always pull through. I alwiz survive it. No matter how awful the loss. When my dad passed away I felt as if my soul was wrenched out of me. In those couple of months, never once did I act out of grief or entertain any talk about his death. Deep in my mind I always say he is still around and he has never left. I put it so deep at the back of mind that sometimes I believed it myself. So when there were occassions where I wanted him around and there was no way I can summon him it became so frustrating.
I am trying my best here not to cry as I type this. If my life come crumbling around me I will keep my chin up and face it like..I always do. With strength and dignity. In this blog space, only here I am in pieces. Only here I express my sorrows and my pain on all my losses.
My sense of loneliness in my bed even when I am in my bed with Mr So called Right. The hollow that i feel in my heart everytime we make love. How lonely and alone I feel even when my life is surrounded by laughter and supports of my family.
I still feel so alone. One day I might be alone. I might even end up dying in my bed alone. that thought is scary. But then, when the time comes, in my grave I'll be alone, when facing Him I'll be alone. Now is not the time for drama. Now is the time to face the harsh reality. To see the thing that you patiently built and endured coming to an end..dissolving in your very eyes. And there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Nothing. You just have to keep enduring.
I had a feeling sooner or later it might come. I just have no idea how to accept it or how to actually face it. I am bitter with this experience and I hate myself for letting it rot. But then, everyone close to me can see and realised that I have done my best. now I badly need a best friend to call and talk to. But then of coz in my present state that it is certainly not possible. Even if it is World Cup season and phone calls are cheaper at this hour.
Is it just me or the world is just so cruel to me. I have tried my my best to put a brave face and endure everything that have come my way. No matter how hard and ugly it gets, I always pull through. I alwiz survive it. No matter how awful the loss. When my dad passed away I felt as if my soul was wrenched out of me. In those couple of months, never once did I act out of grief or entertain any talk about his death. Deep in my mind I always say he is still around and he has never left. I put it so deep at the back of mind that sometimes I believed it myself. So when there were occassions where I wanted him around and there was no way I can summon him it became so frustrating.
I am trying my best here not to cry as I type this. If my life come crumbling around me I will keep my chin up and face it like..I always do. With strength and dignity. In this blog space, only here I am in pieces. Only here I express my sorrows and my pain on all my losses.
My sense of loneliness in my bed even when I am in my bed with Mr So called Right. The hollow that i feel in my heart everytime we make love. How lonely and alone I feel even when my life is surrounded by laughter and supports of my family.
I still feel so alone. One day I might be alone. I might even end up dying in my bed alone. that thought is scary. But then, when the time comes, in my grave I'll be alone, when facing Him I'll be alone. Now is not the time for drama. Now is the time to face the harsh reality. To see the thing that you patiently built and endured coming to an end..dissolving in your very eyes. And there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Nothing. You just have to keep enduring.
