5th February last year, you called and that was it. Last night, I had a dream. It was a wonderful dream. I woke up smiling. I forced myself to continue sleeping because the feeling I had, I just want to feel it again. I grabbed a pillow and hugged the pillow and in my head I smelled you. That natural musky, I just had my shower smell which you always have.
As I lay back, in the dream there was a vision of me calling out for you from the balcony. And there you were, you stuck your head out and said, Yes hon? And I said, “ Love, I want to follow,” and you said, “Hon, maybe later I’ll see you. I have to settle this first.”
It doesn’t make much sense. But the feeling stays, it stayed even when I woke up. The feeling, the overwhelming sense of contentment. You know, the feeling that this is where I belong. The hell with reality, this is what I want. I never call anybody else “sayang”. I thought of it as corny, but when you first called me that, I feel it. That feeling…
It was the same feeling I had, the morning I woke up and saw you. It was the same feeling I felt that rainy night when you stayed over. It was the same feeling I had, every time I pushed the drape and saw you over the gate. It was the same feeling I had, when I turn and feel you behind me and having your arms around me as I sleep. The same feeling I had whenever I feel your lips softly kissing mine. It was the feeling I had as I look into your eyes under the soft light with Maroon 5 in the background.It was a sort of feeling I would probably never feel again.
I can’t really describe it, but I feel it everytime I hear the song by Snow Patrol, Run and Unkle Bob, Swans. Which is why I am listening to the songs as I am writing this. It was as if my heart sort of glowed, warm and fuzzy feeling. Is it love? I am not that sure. I thought I got over it all. I thought I am totally over you. I went on with my life. I am moving on.
At that moment, when I had the feeling, it doesn’t matter that in reality my life is so not stable. That my career is in wreck. That my head is so confused. What matters is that warm feeling, that pure happiness and calmness that I felt as I stared up and saw you. It is the feeling of expecting you, waiting for you and finally seeing you at the door. It is a feeling which I just can’t compare. Maybe, I will never feel it again, but having it once in my life was worth it.
I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done
And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it any where
Away from here
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you can not hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
Louder, Louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
To think i might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbyes
I nearly do
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you can not hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
Louder, Louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
Slower, slower
We don't have time for that
All I want's to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads
Have heart, my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if its just for a few days
Making up for all this mess
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you can not hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
