" Now I can look at my romantic addiction and understand it for what it was. It was a fantasy of how I thought love ought to be. I was so desperate to be loved that I would become whatever the man wanted me to be and lose myself"
Taken from an excerpt of a book I am currently reading. I wonder if I am addicted to love. I think I am addicted to attention but then I am certainly not an attention seeker. I prefer to work behind the scenes. SO I havent found myself and I am certainly confused. Are you supposed to find urself when you are in your early twenties? late thirties? very late in age? When? Am I too late or am I too slow?
I had another fight with my other half. Every time we fight, I long to be held by my Dublin love. Is it the romance that is lacking which is why I long for another or is it becuz it is part of my nature. My inability to love and really love? Sometimes I feel that i have loved and I'm spent and tired because of the intensity of the emotions. Yet why do I keep on doing all these which threatens to destroy all that I have build up and sacrificed for..?? What is wrong with me? Why must love be so painful?
I believe that we cannot choose whom we love but we can choose who we want to marry. And not necessarily we marry the one that we love. Many will object but then that is what I truly believe. But then as time goes you will learn to love the one that you marry. But its a different kind of love. The love you had for your past love, the one who you let go or the one who got away is a different kind of love. Do you really know the person at all? Or is it because of the passions shared and deep longings involved that you are blinded by his faults. In whatever way, in your eyes, that love is perfect, complete and will always be untarnished by the harsh reality and turbulence of a real relationship.
p/s: Yesterday the Prime Minister's wife passed away. Never met her in real life but I am deeply saddened by her passing. I am currently making a living out of her passions and hard work, songket and batik. If its not for her, our batik and songket industry will not prosper as it is today. After the downfall who would have thought batik would ever recover again.It is aloss to the country. For a change, this lady not only supports her husband she contributes as much and will always be remembered in kind and love. My deepest condolence for the First family. I am also touched that Mdme President Gloria Macapagal, of Philippines took the time to attend the funeral. Hearfelt thank you on behalf of my fellow Malaysians.
