He says he loves me.
He says that no matter what he will be here with me.
He says that no matter what my shortcomings he will love me the same.
He says nothing else matters as long as we are together.
He says that I am his strength and he forgave me for whatever I have done.
I promised to God that I will obey and love this man forever.
Our soul are binded and God is our witness.

Then how come my heart still longs for another. How come my heart still cracks at the thought of another. Then how come I just cant seem to move on. How come he rules my breath? How in the world did it come to this? Why cant I love the man that loves me unconditionally? Why cant I just embrace the safer choice? Why do I crave the pain?

I feel as if my heart is bleeding. I feel as if I touch and there is blood all over me. Blood of pain and suffering and most of all blood of guilt. I cannot stop the tears thathas been flowing freely these days. The mere thought stings. The mere vision halts my breathing. I thought with time, things will heal. So far it has gotten worse by the day. I want to embrace the safer choice, yet I also want to run away from it. I want to run and find my pain. I want to keep on suffering. I rejoice at the fire that is scorching my very soul.

You are not worth this.
You are not worth me writing this blog.
You are not worth my my tears.
You are not worth this excruciating pain in my heart.
You are not worth my love.

We should never have met.
Because now, a part of my soul is gone.
Because now, my heart is empty.
I breathe and move but inside I am dead.
I am lifeless.
I walk on glasses.
And my visions blurs amid the memories and reality.

I will never be the same again.
Never.