Why are we such fools when it comes to the men we love....

I cant deal with it. After days of moping around and trying my best to hold my head up high, I have finally realised that I cannot handle it. I cannot take it that he is leaving. I know we are no longer together. I mean if he is moving to another state or if he is going away for a few days it is ok. Now he is leaving for good. Well he just might. He is going to another country thousand of miles away. Dublin is so far. Why Dublin? Why work there? Well the further apart we are is the better. When we are together we do nothing but messed up each other's lives.

I love him soooooooo much. My heart aches at the thought of him away. I cannot do this. I do not know how to deal with this.. I am a smart woman. I have achieved quite a lot despite the odds stacked up against me. Why am I such a fool when it comes to him.I am absolutely pathetic when it comes to this guy. He who has done nothing but messed up my head. He who stabbed me in the heart so many million times. The man who manage to let me risk and I am not even a risk taker in the FIRST place!! I risked everything..absolutely everything for this bald headed guy. I dont even fancy bald headed bloke.But now my heart skips a beat everytime I see one on the street.

We will now proceed with our lives. Going on our separate ways. I know I will never see him again. I hope not. I have had it with this Mr Big and Carrie relationship. He is here and then he is gone. Only when I thought I am better he is back again. I cannot deal with this anymore. I am such a fool!! I have gone through this before. I have patched up and mend my broken heart and washed away all the pain on my own. I am sick and tired of doing it over and over again. The hardest thing was to put up this act and pretend that everything is just fine in front of the world when my heart is actually in pieces.

Nothing sums up how the pain is tearing up my heart than the lyrics of this Indonesian song. No matter what I always put him on a pedestal. No matter what crap he gives me..in my eyes he is always perfect. I love you Mr Eisa..love love love you...and I'll be damned for it. I just know it.

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I hope you find what you are looking for. I hope one day our path wil cross again and I'll be much older and wiser just to turn away. And I hope by that time, it will not hurt anymore. No more pain. No more feelings.