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Saturday, June 30, 2007

Told him...


Its been a while. Its been more than a year. Coming to two years since the last time we kept in touch. Last night was really a hot sweaty and lonely night. Decided to sent him a text just out of the blue hehee. Told him about the blog. And what do you know, he actually replied and asked for the link HAHAHA.. How much you wanna bet that he'll never find this blog. There is no way this blog can be connected with me, unless you know my story "sigh".

So the butterfly is still very much alive and well. Curiosity kills the cat. I have no idea what drove me to tell. Was it because I was too tired and trying to sleep but can't. I don't know. I just felt like it I guess. I'd probably regret it all later on, but what the heck. What's done is done.

I'll never give him the link nor will I reply the text, just hope it will drive him crazy looking for THE blog..:-))

This therapy is really good. It is doing me a lot of good :-))

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

My life in a book


Now who in the world would write a book about a nobody like me? Well actually I'm in the midst of finishing this novel. Chick Lit. The writer is Jennifer Weiner. Goodnight Nobody. It’s about a mother of three. Which in the beginning is certainly not me. But as I read on, I felt as if the words were coming out of my own thoughts. Especially the part where Evan Mckenna came into the picture. Sigh..

The words I have written in this blog itself. But its better written of course, minus the confused grammar and what not. Afterall, she’s the writer, me, I’m just the blogger..who’s a nobody.

I’m in a space of my life where confusion and complex is a dirty little word. My life is in a whirl. I am lost and I feel so helpless and alone. Here I am in my sad little world, trying to convince myself and the world that I am living the Dream. Sometimes it feels really tiring going against the wave of reality. Sometimes, it is good for the soul to live the life as Kate Klein of Goodnight Nobody. Let just say a few of us unlucky souls in the world can really relate to what she’s going through, yet the novel sort of added a few parts to sensationalize her dreary life. Afterall, one need to sell the lit and reality can be a bore most of the times.

Her excitement other than the murder of the perfect housewife (which is normally Kate’s object of envy) is of course the hunk who happened to be her past love. There’s a part where she stares at him, trying to memorise .

“Time seemed to slow down,in order to give me a chance to permanently engrave every detail of the scene in my mind, so I’d be able to have it at my fingertips and replay it over and over again for the rest of my life…”

Isnt it all so familiar. It is as if what ever I had felt was being said in words and being played by the characters in the book. Painful and very poignant . I become so emotional that I had to stop reading. But then fiction slaps me in the face. The character than managed to run off to er..LONDON. Hehe, so much for similarity. I ran away too, just not that far and certainly less glamorous. Well, London, glamorous? Well its where Kate Moss is from! Anyway, the other part in the book, well this is another thought picked from my brain, no, my soul actually, my heart,..

I would have run away with you. If you’d ever really asked”

Arghhhhhhhhhhh!!! I really would have. I’d dropped everything. Well, not that I have that much. What I have a lot is PAIN. I have a lot of those. Want some?

Its too much drama and too much nonsense. If he comes back, would I have drop it all off? Or would I just turn the other way,breathe in my pain and just walk on. Walk on my reality knowing that whatever he offers, it is just a bit of fiction. His fiction.

Meer, somewhere in my heart…meant for each other just not meant to be together. Remember?