Anger..

I am writing this in anger. Its 2.35 am and I might be single again sometime in the near future. Well, why should I be surprised if this union dissolved. AFterall..it was cracking all over the place anyway. I just have to figure out my journey alone from here. One slap to my so called perfect family. Here you celebrate and welcome a new addition to the family and here you say gbye to the old.

I had a feeling sooner or later it might come. I just have no idea how to accept it or how to actually face it. I am bitter with this experience and I hate myself for letting it rot. But then, everyone close to me can see and realised that I have done my best. now I badly need a best friend to call and talk to. But then of coz in my present state that it is certainly not possible. Even if it is World Cup season and phone calls are cheaper at this hour.

Is it just me or the world is just so cruel to me. I have tried my my best to put a brave face and endure everything that have come my way. No matter how hard and ugly it gets, I always pull through. I alwiz survive it. No matter how awful the loss. When my dad passed away I felt as if my soul was wrenched out of me. In those couple of months, never once did I act out of grief or entertain any talk about his death. Deep in my mind I always say he is still around and he has never left. I put it so deep at the back of mind that sometimes I believed it myself. So when there were occassions where I wanted him around and there was no way I can summon him it became so frustrating.

I am trying my best here not to cry as I type this. If my life come crumbling around me I will keep my chin up and face it like..I always do. With strength and dignity. In this blog space, only here I am in pieces. Only here I express my sorrows and my pain on all my losses.

My sense of loneliness in my bed even when I am in my bed with Mr So called Right. The hollow that i feel in my heart everytime we make love. How lonely and alone I feel even when my life is surrounded by laughter and supports of my family.

I still feel so alone. One day I might be alone. I might even end up dying in my bed alone. that thought is scary. But then, when the time comes, in my grave I'll be alone, when facing Him I'll be alone. Now is not the time for drama. Now is the time to face the harsh reality. To see the thing that you patiently built and endured coming to an end..dissolving in your very eyes. And there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Nothing. You just have to keep enduring.

Busy week. Busy month

My work is really catching up on me. There goes my one month break. Plus its World Cup year this year! The last time I followed was the year Roberto Baggio of Italy faced Brazil in the finals. That was when World Cup was held in the US. That was my last world Cup and my football knowledge stopped there.

This year I am up and about again. I even stayed up for the 3am matches. Especially if Argentina is playing. Messi is such an entertaining player to watch. My money is on Germany though. So far, Germany is making it look so easy. Its not Quarter Final yet, but so far Germany is easing through each round like a breeze. This year they look promising plus they have the advantage of playing on their own soil. Well, only time will tell.

Other than the WOrld Cup, my classes are now 5 times a week and my time is quite full. I am also preparing designs to prepare for the Eid crowd. Yup, as fasting months come, there will be a lot of shopping and I have to prepare my stock ASAP.

For once, I'm raking my brains to write. Oh..Lynn is seeing someone. WOnder if he's the one for her. Well again, only time will tell. Thats all 4 today I guess. Gonna go and dream about messing with Messi. He may be too young but he's still too cute to resist.:-))

Its Finally Over!!!

Finally the wedding is over. Cant believe that my little bro is now no longer a virgin hehehehe..

It was the most chaotic wedding ever!! But it was also the most FUN wedding we ever had in the family. On the last day, we stayed up and karaoked until the wee hours. Well some tradition are just meant to be broken. When we first broke into a song, the aunties went like, "Its just not our way you know". I love my aunties, ancient or not, I learned a lot from them and they are a helpful lots. But when it comes to music, they just won't compromise, its just not our way..sheeshh..

Anyway the wedding started horribly. On the eve of the wedding it rained heavily at night and I jumped from my bed, all I can think of is my sound systems set. I end up saving some of the soft cushion chairs. The storms and lightning were too scary for me to keep up the mission so I went to bed soaking. The next morning we found out that everything was WET!! Except for some great saves from the rest were soaked. All of us felt like crying. And the guest were coming at 11.30!!! Can you actually believe it!! It was horrendous!! I felt a sense of hopelessness as I lined up the seats to dry under the sun with rest of the siblings. Everyone looked gloomy and wondered how the day was gonna proceed.

To cut the story short, all my aunties helped out and for a wedding which started horribly, everything went great and smoothly. It was utter blessings from the powers that be. The tablecloth which was torn and wet were replaced and somehow the end everything turned out so nice and lovely!!

We had so much fun that day!! One event which was unforgettable was when my little nephew chose to peed on the landings in the middle of the stairs when traffic was extremely heavy!! I panicked but then when we all discussed it out, it was hilarious!!!

It was not perfect, but we found out that everyone had a great time and TOTALLY dig the food. As usual, we serve the best food of course. We had such a grand time. I lost my voice for two weeks after the wedding and big bro had to be admitted to the hospital cuz he hurt his back. Poor guy. What a way to close the chapter. But then when we saw the photos, it was all well worth it. It was all well that ends well.