tonight..i'm broken

I do not know why but I only write when I am in this melancholic mood. Tonight of all the nights seems to be colder than usual. I feel lonelier than before. I have no idea how much longer I can endure my life. To be apart from the one you love. To be separated with the one you made a vow to. Till death do us part, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health..

I long for company. i hate to say this but I long for my butterfly. I wish I can just hear him say something, his voice. Just a call or a text which I can stare into endlessly.

I am broken inside. My head is messed up. I am not myself and I so need to get away. At certain times I think of butterfly and I am in total control. He does not effect me like before. I have sort of moved on. But sometimes like tonight I feel like rolling on the floor. I feel the ache so deep inside. Like a bottomless hole of nothingness. I have lost faith in myself. In my abilities. In my own potential. There are days you feel like you can conquer the world and then, there are days such as today.

When all you feel is...loss.

Lost.

Alone.

Empty.

All i want is to lie down in his arms. I really need it. Just to breathe the same air he breathes. Just to hear him breathing. I really need to hear it. Even if it is just for a while. Even if its only in my dream.