I cant let go....

do u still want me?
yeah
how bad..
mayb more wen we meet

Some things just dont change even after 5 years. Even through chat he can still make me breathless.. I had to sit down after that conversation and learn how to breathe again. Suddenly I feel short of breath and my sights become a blur. I need to hear him. I need to breathe him in again. Sometimes I feel like throwing caution in the wind and see him again.

I have always imagine how things would be if one day he pops back again. Things are great and suddenly he comes in and messed up my reception. I cant see straight. I cant even focus on anything and I feel absolutely crazy!! These days I'm walking in a daze. I keep on staring out and the world seems to spin around while I'm rooted in my past. I wanna let go and walk away. Everyday I wear my heart on my sleeve. The more I hear the song the sadder it all becomes. He is hoping that I am single again. He is hoping that after 5 years I am free enough to become his. He has no idea. No idea of the conflict and guilt that is raking my insides. He has absolutely no idea how hard it is for me to walk away. To let go of my past and to do the right thing. I have to do the right thing and just walk. I have to keep walking and not look back. I cannot be hung up with my past. Those times, us together was a mistake. No matter what or how I justify, it was all a big horrible MISTAKE. We were a mistake that should not have happen in the first place.

But knowing that after all these years, you still want me is enough for me. That is enough for me to go on living.